Even though the effects of the trauma are still with me today, at 39, I choose to forgive. No, I don't want to see them, - my abusers. I don't want to spend time with them. Of course not! How could I want to go through flashbacks like that! I don't want to be their friends now. But, there is a certain freedom that comes with forgiveness.
No, I can't forget what happened. The head smashing by my mother, the brutal beatings by my father, the death threats; no I can't forget staring down a knife and being pounded bloody by another teenager. I can't forget the bullying and the taunting, the shame, the smell and taste of my own blood, the fear of death. Those things are etched in my memory as if with a knife.
But, with therapy and persistence, and perhaps medication, I believe there is healing for anyone who has gone thru any trauma. We can be healed. It may not happen in a moment; I'm not saying that. I don't think anyone can promise a quick fix. But, if you persevere, it will happen; you will get better!
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3 comments:
Good for you! I do not have any desire to see my parents either. I have forgiven them for my own health and happiness. They don't believe they need forgiving because they don't really feel they DID anything. While they continue with that belief, I cannot allow them into my (now healed) life. But, I do forgive them so that I can move on. It feels good!
I agree with both of you. When people are toxic, a real relationship is not possible. But we can still forgive so that the hate doesn't become toxic for ourselves.
Thanks, Faith, for submitting this for THE BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. Great post!
Bravo!!!
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